When It's Too Cold....

I was asked the other day why I haven't been typing on my blog. I honestly think that it's because it's too cold outside, and I get most of my inspiration from counting stars. It's amazing what can happen in a couple of months. I have met more wonderful people, and honestly it took me a minute to relax and smell the snow.

I was talking to someone very close to me, and we were talking about how far I've come in almost a year. I had no clue who I was when I pulled my head out of the water. I don't know if I ever really did know who I was, but I always have that quote "fake it til you make it" in my head. I don't think I need to fake it anymore. If you don't like me for who I am, then leave.

I have had people tell me that I'm too abrasive. I'm not, promise. I'm just honest. One of the human's hardest emotions to deal with is humiliation. I am amazed on a daily basis on how many times I see humiliation and how people try to ignore the fact that they've been humiliated by their own behavior. Instead they try to blame what ever the situation is, on someone close by. Unfortunately, I've been that close person one too many times. I'm done!

Every year on New Year's, I make a resolution to myself to make one thing better in my life. I figure since I have an entire year, why not? This year I decided to break my own tradition, and not make a resolution. Why? I don't really know why. I've always reached my old resolutions. I think since last year was such a terrible year, I'm not looking to repeat it any time soon. I finally agree with the saying "time heals all wounds" but I sure wouldn't miss those wounds at all if they chose to no longer visit me.

I may not go to church every week, but I do believe in a "Higher Power". I have realized that the times when I thought my heart couldn't take any more, there was always someone there. I have never been alone in my entire life. And I thank God for that. The heart and the brain are both very powerful. The heart can take the most brutal hit, stab, etc... and still be able to function. The brain can help the heart through those tough times. The brain is what tells your entire being, who you want to be, and how you want to go about being that person. The brain can make you either happy or sad, help you through an important test, etc. I think the most important things my brain has succeeded in doing are, making it so I can cope with loss, and making it so I can conquer addiction.

Once again you have had to deal with my sporadic brain. I don't apologize. If you don't like how scattered my thoughts are, don't read my blog. I'll still love you anyway. And I know this one is short, but my brain is telling me it's time to go to sleep.

I actually went outside tonight with my 3 comforters, my heat blanket, and laid down on the trampoline (thank god it was mostly dry) to count stars. It was pretty cold, but it was worth it. I missed my stars. Just like I missed me. I finally found myself, and I am damn proud with who I am. I learn new things every day, and those are the life lessons that make me who I am.