Falling....

With life breathing down my neck, sometimes it's harder than usual to get my thoughts together. Fear can make my tongue feel like a ton of knots that make it hard for me to say the things I would like to say. Contemplation of the "pros" and "cons" of the words I would like to say keep me from saying them. What will happen if I tell that person exactly how I feel? Rules from the past start screaming at me, telling me that it's not my place to say it.

Patience.... What a cruel word. If patience is the only thing that can be pushed into my vocabulary at this time, I guess I better take the hint. Right? I think the only thing I can be sure of lately is where I am standing. Maybe. Of all the things I am NOT sure of, the one thing I AM sure of is that I'm not going anywhere at this time. Maybe if I actually turn this one over, I might find the instructions to life, and be able to move on with out the fear of being hurt, once again.

I try so hard to not let fear control my life, but when the past keeps repeating its self, what am I to do, but sit and wait for the storm to pass? In the process of trying to NOT repeat my past mistakes, I wonder, am I sitting in a pond full of flowers, or alligators? Am I waiting for something beautiful, or am I waiting for something that will hurt me? Then again those uncertain and unfamiliar things are truly what define life's greatest moments. A first date, a first connection, a nervous question, a strong embrace, an intimate moment, a first kiss, and smiling big while thinking that no one is watching. I have certainly covered a lot of enthrawling moments that life has to offer in the last month alone.

My thoughts on telapathy keeps coming back. I would love to know exactly what is going on in the brain, but then again, maybe it's not the best source of information. Maybe I won't like what I hear.

I have a lot of questions running amok in this brain of mine today. More than usual. The truly sad part of this whole day? I don't know the outcome, I can't see into the future.

I sat outside on the trampoline last night, it was beautiful, and warm. The stars were out shining their best. I had to consider the fact that sometimes life doesn't go the way I want it to. That sometimes there are stars that will fall, and there's nothing I can do about it. Just like life. Sometimes I will fall, and there is nothing I can do about it but make it through, pick myself up, dust off, and move on. Then there are the times that I feel like life has picked me up and I am floating through a dream, only to discover that when I am pinched, it hurts. I guess it's true that dreams can come true. Right?

Patience.