I am so happy it's not even funny! I have tried and tried and tried over and over so many different passwords, only to be denied access. Then at one point, I couldn't even access the blog. Weird, right?
BUT - I am back! and I am ready to get going with this silly little blog once again. I still want to focus on my sobriety, but there are so many other aspects of life that I would love to share with anyone who is bored, and needs something human to read.
So here goes nothing.... AGAIN......
Today I am celebrating my 12th year of sobriety from heroin and cocaine. 12 Years of saying no to the fog, and yes to my life. I now have everything I need, to have the life I want. No, it's not always sunshine and rainbows, but on the days where the darkness wants to invade, I have powerful tools to help me through to the next day. I went through and read through some of my old posts on here, and to be completely honest, I was so lost! The crazy part is all this time, all I needed to do was just love myself unconditionally, treat others the way I want to be treated, and be happy with who, and what I am all about! I just had to stop talking about it and just do it. Just follow my own advice! I know, it's a lot easier to talk about things than it is to actually do them. But if you look at the rewards of your hard work, it becomes easier and easier each time.
Here is the funniest, craziest part of this entire blog. Every now and then I mention my high school crush. Well guess what? After being single for over 4 years, I am now happily together with my high school crush, and life couldn't be any better than it is on a daily basis. Isn't it weird how things work out? Things you think are important at the time end up not being important, and the things that you had in the back of your mind, end up being part of the most important part of your life.
So here is what I have learned in the last 6 years of not being able to remember the password on this blog and share with you......
One day it all catches up to you. Every ended relationship, every
tear shed, every broken heart. You pick up the pieces, brush them off and you
put them back together. Only each time you need a little more glue. Then, just
like that, glue is no longer strong enough anymore. The cracks, the holes, the
shattered dreams. They're a part of you. Try as you might, you can't fix what's
been broken, you can't mend what's been torn. You're down trodden, pathetic,
unable to go on... Or so you think. Then he walks into your life with a smile,
with a whisper and a kiss, and you're no longer broken. Your world of grey
becomes a little brighter, a little more colorful. The more time you spend with
him, the more complete your once fragile, shattered heart becomes. Until one
morning you wake up and it's just like that, you're in love and the grass is
greener, the sky is more blue, and the past is the past. You are no longer
consumed with regret, remorse, or pain. Yet in the back of your mind, one thing
lingers... FEAR - fear of what you're risking, fear of going back, fear of
being broken again, this time forever. Then he smiles and says those 3 words
you've been longing to hear and nothing else matters. Your life is finally complete.
You'll come across so
many people in your life. Some you think will stay in your life, stay with you
forever. The real miracle is when you spend time with yourself, learn who you are, find your true inner happiness, you suddenly realize that nothing can break you ever again, and that finally finding the other half of your soul was worth all the waiting, and pain of past relationships. This is the one and only for you.
Not everything turns into what you think it's supposed to be in life. And
not everybody is supposed to just walk out of your life. Sometimes surprises
and second chances do happen. And when they do, you can not be afraid to let
them happen. I have realized that I was allowing fear to keep me from a second
chance at something that could maybe, possibly be something worth looking into.
The fear was making me not be able to actually have a conversation with people who were in my life, I had become a hermit, and in turn it pushed a lot of people away. But here's the funny part, those who stuck around are the ones who truly matter to me. They are the ones who love me for who I am, and what I have to offer them, even if it's nothing more than open ears and a closed mouth.
Rumi once
wrote "surrender is the door one must pass through to find passion.
I find this true especially when recognizing that the only enemy that ever
existed are the eyes of ones own perception." You never know...
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