Lessons we learn on a daily basis are sometimes forgotten in the turmoil of the day. I have to keep reminding myself to look and see what I have learned. Some lessons, I still don't know what I was supposed to learn, but I have faith that I will learn whatever it is eventually.
Another sweet friend passed away last night. I can't figure out why God keeps taking all these amazing people away from their loved ones, when there are child molesters, rapists, murders, etc... out there!! I know it's not for us to choose, and it's not for us to figure out, but GOOD LORD, why take the ones who are amazing, with people who love them with all their hearts, away? I don't know the answers, I don't think I ever will. I DO know that I will always question God as long as he keeps taking these amazing people away from their loved ones.
Time is such a valuable thing in life. Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows, only time. Who can say if your love grows, as your heart shows, only time (Enya). I have realized lately that a lot of my thoughts are said in lyrics of songs. I have such a romantic heart. I have tried and tried to beat it out of my system, but I always end up being romantic in the end. I have chosen to let my heart go. I gave it away, tied with a big red ribbon. I don't know if I will ever get it back, but even if I don't, I will know that I loved enough to let it go.
You remember watching the silly Disney movies when you were little and thinking, "someday my prince will come rescue me," only to realize that when you get older your thinking changes to, "someday my prince will come after me, because I'm worth it." I know I'm worth it, I just don't know if he'll come after me... I guess the only thing I can do is just live my life, become who I know I can, and if things work out, they were meant to. But good HELL, it HURTS!!
These are the days of the endless summer, these are the days that time allowed. There are no clouds, there is only the future. There's only here, there's only now. I can hear your heart beat from a 1,000 miles, the heavens open every time you smile. Take away my trouble, take away my grief, take away my heartache, and give me peace. Because you gave me love of your heart, the kind that speaks to me. (another song lyric)
I FINALLY hit my 5 year sobriety mark!! YAY for ME!! right? Then why doesn't it feel like much? Why do I feel like it really wasn't that bad? Even though deep down where it should matter, I'm telling myself that I am amazing to be able to conquer such a feat... I wasn't expecting the world to name a national holiday after me, but to be honest, there was only one person who actually remembered. And I haven't even known her for very long. Jessica, you truly are amazing!! I know God places people into our lives who are there to teach us something, or we are supposed to teach them something. I don't know if I'm learning what I should be learning, or teaching what I'm supposed to teach, but I have faith that in time, I will.
All summer I kept forgetting about my best friends. I miss them so much. I didn't visit them very much, and I can definitely feel the difference. I know they are always there for me, and I know that if it wasn't raining outside right now, I could go and talk to them. I miss my stars, I will definitely work on visiting with them more.
Love with all you have,
have all your love around you.
You never know when your love will leave you,
so don't ever let it go.
Show your love your everything,
your love will show you more.
Give your heart without the strings,
and your love will show you the world...
Sweet Dreams
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