Simply Amazing!! or is it??

To say the least life has it's curve balls. I honestly can't say what it is that I am supposed to be doing with my life. All I know is that as long as I am living my life to MY standards, I will be just fine. Live your life with perfect trust, perfect love, and harm to none. Those are my standards. I really don't see anything wrong with those standards, but there are those out there who will find a fault with them. I can't even begin to express my gratitude towards those in my life right now. I have an amazing daughter, an amazing family, and amazing extended family, and friends. I couldn't ask for better right now. So why am I struggling to be happy? Why do I feel like I'm not doing what I am supposed to be doing with my life?

It really is amazing to look at your current position and see what you have been through to get to where you are right now. What lessons have you learned? What trials have you overcome? I know that I will never have all the answers to all my questions, but to be honest, I'm quite content right now.

I have 5 years sobriety from my "addiction" and I am SO damn proud of myself. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't of been able to overcome that certain aspect of my life. I'd probably be dead right now...

I look at my blog, and all this time I have to admit, I have repeated myself so much! I'm not sorry though. This blog was started to express my thoughts. I don't have very many followers, and I really don't care. This is about my life, my trials, and my tribulations. If I can touch one person's life, then I have done my job. The sad part is, I used to be able to write what I think is some pretty good posts on here, but lately it feels like I just can't seem to get into the mood. Almost like I have writers block. Now I know how someone feels when they are trying to write an amazing story, and can't come up with the right words.

I have an amazing life right now. I have a job that I love, amazing friends, amazing roommates, and an amazing family. So why do I feel like something isn't right? I hope I can figure this out soon because I don't know how much longer I can go feeling so wrong... I have been thinking about my high school crush a lot lately. I wonder why he pops into my head so randomly? Is it really random, or is he always on my mind? Does he ever think of me?

I would love to go talk to my friends, but lately the sky is so full of pollution, that even if it wasn't freezing outside, I wouldn't be able to talk to them because I can't see them. I hope I get some answers soon. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I know I am meant for something big in this life, and I just can't seem to figure out what it is... Wish me luck!?!?