One little thing can change a person. One little word, one little gesture, one little smile. You just never know exactly what it is that can change you. I have been looking into my past just so I can close that door. I want to make sure I have learned whatever lesson I was to learn, and move on. I never realized how fortunate I was until I actually looked back and saw that there was always someone in my life at the time of whatever was going on, was there for me. There were so many times that I thought I was alone, but I now know, I never was. Not for one iota of a second. That iota of a second can change a person. How do we know? You look back.
I was so happy this last weekend. I was finally able to take my daughter out trick-or-treating for the first time in 6 years!! I either had to work, or it was her dad's holiday. I was so excited, until we started walking around and realized that no one had their lights on. We would hit one house, and have to walk past 5 just to get to the next. I ended up driving her and her cute little friend because it was easier. Where has tradition gone? Why is trunk-or-treat more important? I think those take all the fun out of growing up. I remember so many wonderful Halloween's where my friends and I ran around the entire town. By the time we were done, we had a completely full pillowcase of candy. My daughter after going around the neighborhood we were in, didn't really have that much. The cute part? She was more excited to be able to go out with mom than she was to get the candy. She told me, "mom you're so much sweeter than any candy." Could she get any cuter?
I'm falling. I'm not going to get hurt, I won't let it happen. When I hear those words I get chills down my spine. I don't think any words could mean more to me than to hear those come out of my own mouth. I guard my heart with everything there is, I know that times in the past I've been hurt. I look at who did the hurting, and why I allowed it to happen. I trusted when I shouldn't of, I let my guard down. I got into a very good conversation the other night with a wonderful man who's opinion I value highly. We were talking about cheating spouses, and significant others. We came to the conclusion that there really isn't an answer as to why they do it, but it's not the person who got cheated on, is to blame. Something in relationships has completely gone out the window. Communication. It's gone. I can sit here and say that every relationship I have been in, there was talking, but no communication. We would talk about mundane things, but never the important things. I wonder why that is? I guess that is one thing I personally am looking forward to changing. Listening. I have gotten so used to "tuning out" things that were being said to me. Mostly because those things were incredibly hurtful. But I think that if I would of really listened, I would of been able to move on before I actually did. I can also say that every time I went to say something about my feelings, I was quoted a liar, or completely ignored. Humiliation is a crazy emotion. Fortunately, everyone has experienced humiliation at least once in their lives. If they hadn't, they would probably be the most shallow person. That isn't for me to judge, but I really think that some people need to learn how to deal with humiliation. It would definitely make this world a better place. That and swallowing pride. Aren't they the same thing though?
I was out counting stars tonight, and we have a beautiful full moon. I feel full. I feel full of love, compassion, and so many other things that it would take me years to put it all down. I am so grateful for everyone that is in my life. I am grateful for the 92 yr old man that asked me to marry him today. That coming from a 92 yr old, just cracked me up to the point where I had to take a break. I look at that man and see that his life is full. As he was telling me about his life experiences in the short span of a haircut, I realized that he had a wonderful marriage. Sometimes there were arguments, but they always "communicated." He had so many stories that I could of listened to him for hours, talking about how his life has been, and is full. I am really looking forward to discovering more about that one person who makes my life feel full. For the first time in my life, in that particular area, I have hope.
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