Temper Tantrums - That's what happens when babies want one thing, and their mama knows they need something different. Then you end up feeling guilty because they act like it's the end of their world, and you're the one who pulled the rug out. Do temper tantrums actually work? I have probably the best temper out of anyone I have met. The only time my temper snaps lately is when I am alone. (thank goodness) Tonight I really wanted to throw a temper tantrum, but honestly, it wouldn't of gotten me anywhere. I had to swallow my embarrassment, and move on.
I am almost done reading my journal. In the last 3 years worth of writing, I have seen that I started out so very weak, needing constant reassurance of my worth, and now I am only getting stronger. I can actually laugh with my heart. I can actually mean that laughter, instead of it being fake. I can cry with happy tears, I can cry with sad tears. I thought that the day I walked out of detox I was starting my new beginning. Honestly, I think it has just begun. It's only been previews until recently.
I was reading through the Tao of Pooh the other day and one of my most favorite quotes is in that book. It reads...
To know the way,
we go the way;
We do the way
The way we do.
It's all here in front of you,
But if you try too hard to see it,
You'll only become confused.
I am me,
And you are you,
As you can see;
But when you do
The things that YOU can do,
You will find the way,
And the way will follow you.
by Benjamin Hoff
I wrote that quote down in my journal with my own thoughts as to the "meaning" of it. I'll leave it up to you on how you take it.
"The future belongs always to the believers, who are for something, never to those who are only against something." I never realized how true that statement was until I actually sat down and started a list of my "wants" and my "needs." I hope that doesn't sound too selfish, but honestly in the last 9 years I haven't had a chance to be selfish. In the last 6 years I was told that I was marriage material (a piece of paper), only to have that taken away from me time and time again. I told myself for the longest time that marriage wasn't a big deal to me, that I never wanted to be married again. I actually believed it. I don't now. I think to some marriage is thrown around, and isn't looked at as the "sacred unity" that I now think it is. The couple never really look at what they have, and eventually lose all interest in the other person. Then the "cheating" begins. I never really looked at the value of marriage until recently. I never thought I would ever think of myself as a "wife" ever again. I let fear, anger, and hurt, hide my true feelings on the subject. I can now happily say that I am marriage material, I am worth it, I will eventually be with the other side of my soul. I say, "practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit." (another wonderful quote from my journal)
I guess we could call this my "breaking free" blog, but I just want to put out there that I am constantly learning. I have now become a new woman. Like I said, I laugh, and mean it. I am free, and I am powerful. I now allow myself to enjoy this freedom and power. My heart is filled with gratitude and excitement, knowing that wonderful people and situations surround me now. I am safe. I am secure. I am completely protected at all times. I listen to, honor, and follow my true feelings, knowing that they are answers to my prayers. I find the humor in life and I laugh easily and honestly. I have great beauty and light inside of me right now. I tap into all of the knowledge of the universe. I notice and embrace the new opportunities that are now in my life. I move forward fearlessly, trusting that each step I take is perfectly guided. I am safe, confident, and secure. I am excited about my future for the first time in my life. I speak my truth powerfully and lovingly. I trust in my strong feelings, and stand my ground in following them.
I always wondered what it would be like to be alone with an angel. I wondered the questions I would ask, and the answers I would receive. Going through my journal, I realized that all the questions were there, and the answers were there also. I just didn't want to see them. I look and see all of my questions that I had, were answered, with heart. I just needed to learn my own way of seeing the answers.
Let's talk about mountains. You start climbing one, you toil, you sweat, you finally reach the top, and what do you get? Well, along with a sense of accomplishment, of peace, of a job well done, along with the satisfaction of doing what you set out to do... You get a great view of the next mountain. Looming. Challenging. Calling your name. But wait! Don't feel like you have to take on that next mountain quite yet. Let's dwell on this one for a while. Lay there with your hands stretched out behind your head. Watch the clouds running across the sky and tell yourself you're on top of the world because in a sense you are. Just be for now, for you. Then when you're ready... Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, put that pack on your back, and start climbing down. One foot in front of the other, that's all you can do. This walk never ends, you know. There's always another mountain. That's what makes life thrilling, exciting, and leaves you breathless. There are days, there are times, when you feel like you've walked so far, when the voice inside you is complaining that it's all uphill, that it always will be. And then, after all that, way beyond your beautiful blue horizon, you see the biggest mountains you've ever seen, and you think, "I can't do that." Well, I know I will always have someone who tells me that I can. I know that with those I surround myself with I can achieve the miracle. I can accept that I am worth it. I can do it.
Tonight while waiting for a phone call, I was counting stars. I can see Orion every time I look up to the sky. I think about his armor. His shield, his sword, his bow and arrow. I think about the armor I have unconsciously put around my heart. I know that this armor in the wrong hands can cause serious damage. I have lived through the damage. I may have the scars, but I know that the wounds that I allowed to be put there are healing. I can proudly admit that I have handed that armor over to more caring, loving hands. Finally. It is now my time to be me, to be my happy, to be my miracle, to accomplish my dreams with those I love surrounding me, supporting me. Now that the armor is gone, I can and will succeed at life, happiness, and most importantly, love.
I am almost done reading my journal. In the last 3 years worth of writing, I have seen that I started out so very weak, needing constant reassurance of my worth, and now I am only getting stronger. I can actually laugh with my heart. I can actually mean that laughter, instead of it being fake. I can cry with happy tears, I can cry with sad tears. I thought that the day I walked out of detox I was starting my new beginning. Honestly, I think it has just begun. It's only been previews until recently.
I was reading through the Tao of Pooh the other day and one of my most favorite quotes is in that book. It reads...
To know the way,
we go the way;
We do the way
The way we do.
It's all here in front of you,
But if you try too hard to see it,
You'll only become confused.
I am me,
And you are you,
As you can see;
But when you do
The things that YOU can do,
You will find the way,
And the way will follow you.
by Benjamin Hoff
I wrote that quote down in my journal with my own thoughts as to the "meaning" of it. I'll leave it up to you on how you take it.
"The future belongs always to the believers, who are for something, never to those who are only against something." I never realized how true that statement was until I actually sat down and started a list of my "wants" and my "needs." I hope that doesn't sound too selfish, but honestly in the last 9 years I haven't had a chance to be selfish. In the last 6 years I was told that I was marriage material (a piece of paper), only to have that taken away from me time and time again. I told myself for the longest time that marriage wasn't a big deal to me, that I never wanted to be married again. I actually believed it. I don't now. I think to some marriage is thrown around, and isn't looked at as the "sacred unity" that I now think it is. The couple never really look at what they have, and eventually lose all interest in the other person. Then the "cheating" begins. I never really looked at the value of marriage until recently. I never thought I would ever think of myself as a "wife" ever again. I let fear, anger, and hurt, hide my true feelings on the subject. I can now happily say that I am marriage material, I am worth it, I will eventually be with the other side of my soul. I say, "practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit." (another wonderful quote from my journal)
I guess we could call this my "breaking free" blog, but I just want to put out there that I am constantly learning. I have now become a new woman. Like I said, I laugh, and mean it. I am free, and I am powerful. I now allow myself to enjoy this freedom and power. My heart is filled with gratitude and excitement, knowing that wonderful people and situations surround me now. I am safe. I am secure. I am completely protected at all times. I listen to, honor, and follow my true feelings, knowing that they are answers to my prayers. I find the humor in life and I laugh easily and honestly. I have great beauty and light inside of me right now. I tap into all of the knowledge of the universe. I notice and embrace the new opportunities that are now in my life. I move forward fearlessly, trusting that each step I take is perfectly guided. I am safe, confident, and secure. I am excited about my future for the first time in my life. I speak my truth powerfully and lovingly. I trust in my strong feelings, and stand my ground in following them.
I always wondered what it would be like to be alone with an angel. I wondered the questions I would ask, and the answers I would receive. Going through my journal, I realized that all the questions were there, and the answers were there also. I just didn't want to see them. I look and see all of my questions that I had, were answered, with heart. I just needed to learn my own way of seeing the answers.
Let's talk about mountains. You start climbing one, you toil, you sweat, you finally reach the top, and what do you get? Well, along with a sense of accomplishment, of peace, of a job well done, along with the satisfaction of doing what you set out to do... You get a great view of the next mountain. Looming. Challenging. Calling your name. But wait! Don't feel like you have to take on that next mountain quite yet. Let's dwell on this one for a while. Lay there with your hands stretched out behind your head. Watch the clouds running across the sky and tell yourself you're on top of the world because in a sense you are. Just be for now, for you. Then when you're ready... Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, put that pack on your back, and start climbing down. One foot in front of the other, that's all you can do. This walk never ends, you know. There's always another mountain. That's what makes life thrilling, exciting, and leaves you breathless. There are days, there are times, when you feel like you've walked so far, when the voice inside you is complaining that it's all uphill, that it always will be. And then, after all that, way beyond your beautiful blue horizon, you see the biggest mountains you've ever seen, and you think, "I can't do that." Well, I know I will always have someone who tells me that I can. I know that with those I surround myself with I can achieve the miracle. I can accept that I am worth it. I can do it.
Tonight while waiting for a phone call, I was counting stars. I can see Orion every time I look up to the sky. I think about his armor. His shield, his sword, his bow and arrow. I think about the armor I have unconsciously put around my heart. I know that this armor in the wrong hands can cause serious damage. I have lived through the damage. I may have the scars, but I know that the wounds that I allowed to be put there are healing. I can proudly admit that I have handed that armor over to more caring, loving hands. Finally. It is now my time to be me, to be my happy, to be my miracle, to accomplish my dreams with those I love surrounding me, supporting me. Now that the armor is gone, I can and will succeed at life, happiness, and most importantly, love.
Sweet Dreams My Love, Dream of Beautiful Things...
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